apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
You made out with two different species that night
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
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