well he's currently spooning the coffee table
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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