So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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