Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
