so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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