You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
