At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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