I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
