Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
