I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize
