I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
