I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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