I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
