it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
if i can run in heels then i can drive
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
