I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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