if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
