Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
