Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
