hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
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