Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
