I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
