Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
