my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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