oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize