Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
