non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
