There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?Â
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