Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
It's shark week go big or go home
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
