Define "chronic" masturbator.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
