I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Randomize
