is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I deserve this hangover.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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