Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
