the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Randomize
