Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
