This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Randomize
