I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Randomize
