is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
