The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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