Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
