dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
