we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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