dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
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