Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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