I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
