hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
