i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
