I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
