I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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