Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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