woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
