i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
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