she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
