im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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