haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
