Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize