if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
