If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
It's blow job season.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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