last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize