life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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