it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Houston, we have a blender
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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