I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
