New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
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