I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
