Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
