So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
