wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
