Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
