My friends, they love my intelligence
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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