dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
