Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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