I will die if light touches me.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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