so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
