Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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