Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
