I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
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