He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
