Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
