The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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