So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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