You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
