Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
