theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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