after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
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