Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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