I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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